We can love someone unconditionally, but that may imply that we don’t care about having money as a couple. Or we can love someone upon the condition that they have money, but does that may make us a bad person?
I don’t think that wanting to be in a financially stable relationship necessarily makes us a bad person; I honestly think that it makes us a smart person. I am definitely against the concept of marrying only for money, but I also would also never enter into a relationship (even if I really loved him) if I was expected to be the sole financial provider.
What if money is a condition for love?
Relationships are about planning our life with someone who shares our life goals; this includes sharing our views on love as well as sharing our views on money. The key to a successful relationship and a healthy financial life is communication. Every time that we enter into a new phase in our relationship whether it is moving in together for the first time, deciding to get married, or choosing to buy a home, we have to be open with our spouse about our feelings as well as our money management.
I am by no means a gold digger and for me personally emotions are far more important than money. However as a Financial Professional I would be lying if I said that money was not a consideration in my relationship. Actually it is not money as a tangible asset that is important, it is more about the stability that brings money and makes it stay such as smart money management skills and a steady employment income. I think that it would be very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t share similar views on money, because almost everything that we do in our lives involves money.
What if money is NOT a condition for love?
I would personally not be able to be in a relationship where I was the only one who planned for the future, saved for an emergency, and spent less money every month than I made. It took me a long time to learn how to live within my means, and as a 31 year old I think that it would be difficult to live with someone while teaching them how to be financially responsible.
I would not enter into a relationship with someone who is financially unstable, but this is not to say that I would not work through financial struggles with my boyfriend Nick. Since we grew up together we made the same money mistakes when we were younger and we have learned from our mistakes as we grew older. If something happened and Nick lost his job or he entered into a mid life crisis and started spending money recklessly I would definitely try to help him work through the financial struggles. The main reason that I would try to work through the financial struggles is because we already had love before the struggles began. I don’t think that I could choose love over money if we were just starting out, but now that we have almost 13 years invested together I don’t think that I would let money ruin our love.
Photo by MoneyBlogNewz
Kristina Tahnyak
Tahnya is a Certified Financial Planner and former Investment Advisor turned marketing and communications professional She holds a degree from Concordia University, is debt free and currently works in the field of digital marketing.
I think, in general, having money and steady income is more of a reflection of a set of values. Not so much is somebody a good person or a bad person, but if someone is mature, responsible, hard-working and self-disciplined. (I have a lot of friends who aren’t good with money, but my requirements for a life partner are different.) For me, there are things that I want that I don’t believe I can afford, so I am working hard to achieve those things without jeapordizing my future. Good money management skills usually reflect long term planning and an ability to delay gratification for an ultimately better outcome. I couldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who didn’t share in those values, the same way I couldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who didn’t share in the values of honesty or intellectual curiosity. I don’t make decisions based on somebody’s wallet size, but I do judge whether somebody has values that are compatible with mine.
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