If you have a narcissist in your life, you know they can be difficult. Narcissists think of themselves as superior, love attention, and may appear overly confident. However, much of their behavior is rooted in low self-esteem. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is exhausting emotionally. But beyond the emotional impact, narcissists’ toxic money habits often cause their spouses to suffer.
These 4 Toxic Money Habits Are Commonly Observed Among Narcissists
Narcissists want to control and manipulate everything in their lives, including money.
Like to Control the Money
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, he will want to control the money. However, he will likely gain control by couching his request as thoughtfulness. He may say, “I’ll manage the money since you’re so busy,” or “I’ll manage the money since money management stresses you out.” While it looks like he’s being considerate, his deeper motivation is to control the money and not give you access. Then he can spend how he likes.
In addition, he may not tell you how much he makes or what he has in savings. I had a relative who controlled all the money like this. His spouse had no idea how much money he made or even what their tax refund was. Keeping his financial information secret allowed him free access to more money, but he knew exactly how much his wife made and how she spent her money.
Spends Lavishly in Public but Skimps in Private
Narcissists spend lavishly in public. She may treat her entire work team to a meal at an expensive restaurant or always buy gifts for her friends. The motivation is to earn positive attention for generosity, even though she may privately complain about spending money on others.
In addition, while she spends lavishly in public, she may skimp on necessities at home. Narcissists often don’t have enough food at home for their families or may face having the utilities cut off because they prefer to spend their money outside the home where others can notice and applaud them.
Criticize Your Money Habits
If you’re married to a narcissist and spend money for groceries or other necessities, your narcissist partner will likely yell and berate you, even though he spends much more than you on more frivolous items. His behavior may be why you’re having money difficulties, but he will blame you.
Use Money as Punishment
Finally, once the narcissist controls the money, she will use it to punish you. If you upset her for any reason, she will withhold money. For instance, you need money for gas for the week. The narcissist will withhold money as retribution for some perceived wrong you have committed. If that means you can’t leave the house for the week since you can’t buy gas, oh well.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists’ toxic money habits can make money management challenging. If you’re married to someone like this, you should consider counseling. However, keep in mind, narcissists don’t change unless they want to. Overcoming this personality disorder isn’t impossible, but it is rare.
Read More
How Narcissism Affects a Couple’s Finances
What Are the Red Flags of Spousal Financial Abuse?
Can a Spouse Secretly Sell Possessions Before Divorce?
Melissa Batai
Melissa is a writer and virtual assistant. She earned her Master’s from Southern Illinois University, and her Bachelor’s in English from the University of Michigan. When she’s not working, you can find her reading a good book, cooking, or traveling. She resides in New York where she loves the natural beauty of the area.
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