She won’t leave him, not even for the money

Good morning Dinks.  One of my colleagues and friends is going through a really tough time right now because she is facing a fork in the road of her relationship.  I have known Kate for almost seven years and she has been with her husband for almost just as much time.  Kate met Ken (Oh I know what you are thinking, but those are not fake names) in 2007 and by 2010 he was her husband.

Kate and Ken always appear to be the perfect couple: loving, committed to each other and apparently on the same page.  But there are definitely some financial issues underneath their picture perfect exterior.

Being a supportive spouse vs. looking out for yourself

Shortly after Kate married her husband Ken lost his job and their marriage has been on the rocks ever since.  As a newlywed Kate tried to be a supportive wife; but now three years later, she is tired of carrying around the financial burden of providing the only income in the family even though she loves her husband very much.

The job loss was a major blow to Ken’s ego and he hasn’t really been the same since that day.  The couple’s standard of living has not changed much due to the loss of income because they both had good paying jobs. Now they live comfortably off one income.  The only thing that has really changed now that the couple lives on one income is the amount of their savings.  Kate and Ken have not dipped into their retirement accounts or their emergency funds but they have also not made any contributions into those accounts over the last three years.

That doesn’t change the fact that Kate is out there every day working hard to provide for her family.  It’s difficult to be the sole provider when you agreed to enter into a partnership.

At what point should you call it quits because of money stress

Kate loves her husband, but after three years of marriage she’s not sure if the love is still mutual.  Kate doesn’t understand why her husband is not doing everything that he can to help elevate some of the money stress that he has caused his wife.

Although their finances have not greatly suffered (apart from their savings) due to the loss of one income, their marriage definitely has.  Kate resents her husband for not working harder to find another job and she just doesn’t understand why he still hasn’t found a permanent full time job.  Ken has done some freelance contract work over the years, but he is far from having a stable income.   I have not talked to him about the situation but I am sure that he will say that he doesn’t want to settle for a job that he feels is below his skill set.

How do you compromise if you don’t see eye to eye

Of course Kate and her husband don’t see eye to eye about this situation.  Kate feels that Ken should contribute financially and Ken feels that Kate should be more understanding about his personal situation.

So how do you and your spouse compromise when you can’t agree?

Photo by PhilandPam

Kristina Tahnyak

Tahnya is a Certified Financial Planner and former Investment Advisor turned marketing and communications professional She holds a degree from Concordia University, is debt free and currently works in the field of digital marketing.