Your Couple Shares What?

Yesterday in our staff lunch room at our bank branch the subjects of marriage and divorce came up.  I couldn’t believe how differently a room full of personal investment professionals can view money management and money sharing in a marriage.

My colleague Andrew treats his marriage as a business deal.  He has been married for almost 3 years to his wife and they just had their first baby.  Andrew and his wife do not have a joint bank account and they do not share any assets, except for their family home.  Andrew knows the exact amount of money that he contributes into the marriage for monthly bills, groceries, utilities, and the biweekly mortgage payment.

If Andrew and his wife were to get divorced he has taken precautions to protect his current assets and his future income.  Andrew would never share his money with anyone, not even his wife. Andrew knows what assets he brought into the marriage (because he keeps a record), and if the marriage ends he will expect to leave with those same assets.  If we go into our marriage already preparing for a divorce do we have a fighting chance of staying together?

Andrew’s wife is currently on maternity leave and her income is lower than it used to be; it is also a lot lower than Andrews biweekly pay check.  Andrew suggested that the couple sit down to calculate their individual budgets and determine the pro rata percentage that each person would contribute towards the family expenses.  If the situation was reversed and the man in a marriage was earning less money would expenses still be prorated?

My other colleague doesn’t think so.  Stephanie is a lesbian who has been with her partner for over 20 years. They have one child, a 10 year old boy name Steven.  Although Stephanie and her partner are not recognized as being legally married, they did commit themselves in a private ceremony.

Stephanie has the exact opposite mentality towards marriage and money.  She believes that a marriage is a relationship full of love between two people.  Stephanie believes that money is only a means that we use to live.  Stephanie doesn’t know how much money she brought into the marriage and she doesn’t care.  When Stephanie and her wife bought their home she contributed more towards the down payment than her wife and she has never asked for the money back. Stephanie didn’t even stipulate in the notary agreement that she will receive her down payment back if and when the couple sells their home.

Stephanie feels that marriage is about love and not money.  She doesn’t care about money because she is just happy that she has the freedom to be in an open relationship with the woman she loves. Stephanie believes that the only money that should be kept separate in a marriage is money that has been inherited from our family.  It may be naive, but if you treat your marriage like a business deal where is the love?

My boyfriend Nick and I don’t have joint bank accounts but we do share all expenses, even those expenses that are not mutually enjoyed by both of us.  We don’t keep track of who contributes how much into the relationship because we keep separate savings accounts, retirement assets, and other personal savings. We contribute what we want into our relationship and we save what we want individually.

Photo by PurpleSlog

Kristina Tahnyak

Tahnya is a Certified Financial Planner and former Investment Advisor turned marketing and communications professional She holds a degree from Concordia University, is debt free and currently works in the field of digital marketing.